Earning Your Horse’s Trust

It is a cornerstone of classical riding philosophy that the relationship with the horse is based on trust, not fear. As Pluvinel wrote: “You can never rely on a horse that is educated by fear. There will always be something that he fears more than you. But, when he trusts you, he will ask you, what to do when he is afraid.” However, many riders struggle with achieving that trust. They pour their heart and soul into their horse and then wonder why they still don’t appear to trust them despite everything they do for them. This causes many riders to feel dejected and like there is something wrong with them or that their horse doesn’t like them for whatever reason. However, most riders can earn their horse’s trust if they follow three simple (but not necessarily easy!) key concepts.

Consistency is key

This is the biggest struggle most riders have: establishing consistency. In our relationships with other humans, we have varying boundaries based on circumstances, hierarchies, and other social constructs. This makes for a complex social system that works for our complex way of thinking (unless you’re neurodivergent; in which case, neurotypicals should take these concepts to heart for their ND friends!). Usually, we can communicate the rationale behind our varying boundaries. If we’ve had a bad day at the office, certain jokes may not be appropriate at home that normally are. However, our horses don’t have the luxury of being able to be told why a boundary may change from day to day. Most days, a rider may let their horse graze as they lead them in from the pasture, pulling them as they do so, and then one day, the rider has had a bad day at the office or has tweaked a shoulder in a workout, and suddenly pulling to graze is not okay. Then they feel better the next day and it’s okay again. For the horse, all they know is sometimes it’s okay and sometimes it’s not, and there is no logical pattern apparent to them as to why it changes. Even for us, we don’t like relationships with humans that constantly change and don’t communicate!

So for the horse who cannot receive an explanation for why a boundary shifts, it’s incredibly frustrating and leads them to be much more on edge and likely to act out to vent that anxious energy. Therefore, it’s vital that the rider comes up with a set of “rules” or boundaries and sticks with those every single day. I have a fairly long list of boundaries myself, and some people think it a bit legalistic at first until they realize each one of those rules has a purpose for varying circumstances, acting proactively instead of reactively for different situations. While most of these boundaries apply to all horses I work with, some are tweaked for certain individuals. Some horses tend to escalate if allowed too much leeway in a certain way, others get anxious and escalate if they can’t vent energy in a safe way. And that’s okay! It’s a dance, not a march. But no matter what, the boundaries stay the same every single day, and if they are violated, there is some consequence (such as backing up or some other mild correction). Likewise, when they correct their behavior, there is a reward for staying within the boundary until it becomes automatic that they stick to those boundaries. It leads to a much calmer, happier horse that always knows where it stands with the rider.

Some ways I have riders start with this is to write down the rules. These could be “go when I go, stop when I stop,” “only take treats with your nose centered on your chest,” “no grazing when we lead,” or other simple, basic rules. Writing them down, however, makes it easier for the rider to remember and remain consistent.

Guidance is key

However, there are times that just having boundaries isn’t enough for the horse to know what to do. For example, you may go to a strange place that is frightening to the horse (like a showground), and just having boundaries on what not to do doesn’t help the horse to know what to do to vent that extra energy and regulate their feelings. This is where we have to take an extra step and help them vent the energy in a constructive way, whether it is through calming/grounding exercises or through exercises that spend the energy positively, like a trot/canter pattern that allows them to go forward but in a controlled manner. It takes wisdom, which comes from a combination of knowledge and experience, to know which type of exercise to use when, but until you gain that, it’s good to have an arsenal of exercises to experiment with until you can more quickly select the one that works for your horse in specific situations. We have a course coming with this as its focus, so stay tuned!

Listening is key

The other side to this as well is the mutuality of trust and communication. Sometimes, a horse feels they have to express themselves and violate a boundary because something is bothering them. This could be stomach ulcers, saddle fit problems, or some other health issue (like PSSM, neurological problems, etc.). While we must remain safe, we also have to listen and act to try to help the horse through the problem. By actively trying to help alleviate the problem, we show the horse that they can trust us to help them if something goes wrong and that we won’t punish them for being in pain.

Leaving emotions out of it

Another big part of building trust is not to take the horse too personally. A great example is spooking. Horses will spook more at everyday items if they’re in sympathetic overload (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). They never spook just to “get out of working.” Usually, they’re anxious or just on alert (perhaps because for whatever reason, working causes them angst), and suddenly the blanket that’s been there catches their attention and they spook. If you get angry at them, then it only adds to that sympathetic overload and makes things worse. Instead, you need to reassure them that they are safe and then find a way to vent the energy in a constructive way. It’s important, then, to keep emotions out of it as much as possible. Otherwise, the horse never knows what may happen if we’re having an off day. This is hard; we are emotional beings, and some days, it’s really tough to leave emotions at the door. On those days, it may be better to focus on grounding ourselves, then, and let the horse help us instead of us trying to “be productive” with the horse. We may not always have a choice (many professionals don’t), and in those cases, it’s a good idea to have a safe outlet to quickly regulate so that we can be fair to our horses. This is also the subject of an upcoming course geared towards professionals, so stay tuned for that!

Conclusion

To build your horse’s trust, it’s vital to remember: consistency, guidance, and listening, all while making sure to not take the horse too personally. It’s not an easy task, but it is relatively simple and absolutely doable by all riders. Once you do, you’ll find that your horse spooks less and is overall much happier and eager to spend time with you.

-Emily Wright

Looking for more one-on-one help with you and your horse? Contact us about lessons! Lessons are available onsite, offsite, or virtually!